


Our Little Infinity

by bubslove



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Eddie is hazel grace, Fluff, M/M, bring your tissues babies, first time smut, im sorry, its really sad, richie is augustus, the fault in our stars au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 14:43:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17489885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubslove/pseuds/bubslove
Summary: After years of surgeries and slowly dying, Eddie Kaspbrak finally decides to give in and listen to his father. As much as he hates that goddamn cancer support group, he loves his father. Little does he know that there Eddie would meet the person that would change his life - for better and worse.[The Fault in Our Stars AU I've been dying to write forever now. Disclaimer in notes!]





	Our Little Infinity

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER!!  
> i do not have cancer, but i have talked to people who do and i based richie and eddie off augustus and hazel. please tell me if i have made a mistake in this fic so i can fix it immediately!!
> 
> my tumblr is @darling-richie

Eddie was only 13 years old when he was diagnosed with mets and lumps in his thyroid gland. Just a baby, and a total daddy’s boy. After a few months of panic attacks and being scared for his life, he remembered laying in his hospital bed. His chest felt like he had tons upon tons of weight getting thrown onto him, his vision growing dark from the corners, he couldn’t breathe. He recalled hearing his father start to sob and his mother crying _“I’m not gonna be a mom anymore, oh my god. No..”_

But luckily for him, it wasn’t really the end. Thanks to a drug that was gas form called Phalanxiphor. Yay. Pro, he gets to live. Con, he has to carry around a heavy ass oxygen tank and stick uncomfortable cannula’s up his nostrils. Lesson for him would be: _Life sucks, but you still have to live it, bitch._

Skip ahead to 5 years later. 18 year-old Eddie Kaspbrak—nothing has changed. Well actually, that’s a lie. Lot’s of shit has changed. His dad and mom got divorced. He can’t say if he’s happy or sad, his mother was incredibly manipulative towards him and Frank, his dad. Eddie was just happy to be out as gay without having to live with the living, breathing conversion camp that was his mother. It’s like fresh air, his dad’s always there for him. Frank loved his son. Sonia loved the thought of her son.

Of course, he loved his father. Even when he makes him go to that stupid, fucking support group for the children of diseases. He says yes because he knows it makes his dad feel good. But really, he wants to sit in his room, pout, and watch _Say Yes to the Dress!_ for 5 hours straight until he passes out from exhaustion. Ya know, the norm for an 18 year old homosexual.

His dad had this crazy idea that he was depressed. Even Eddie’s doctor agreed he was, and told him it was a side effect of cancer. But the doctors wrong, he doesn’t have cancer. Depression isn’t a side effect of cancer, it’s a side effect of dying.

“Edward Warren Kaspbrak! I will not have this fight with you again! It’s healthy, bud. Mental health comes first.” Frank walked over to Eddie’s spot at the kitchens countertop with a plate of breakfast. Eddie looked up at his father. “But dad, I’m perfectly healthy! Nothing bad has happened since 8th grade. If you want me to be a normal teen, leave me alone. I’ll scream at you because you wouldn’t let me sleepover at a guys place and maybe I’ll take pot!”

“You don’t _take_ pot, Eddie.” Frank smiled at his almost innocent son. “Maybe I would know that if someone would leave me be.” Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Do I really have to go?”

“Yes. Be positive. You can hang out with Bill!” Bill was another cancer survivor who thought the whole group was bullshit. That’s why they got along so well. Bill had very serious cancer in his left eye, and was about to get surgery to remove it, which would make him completely blind. Eddie felt bad but, it seemed that Bill didn’t even give a fuck about it. So Eddie acted like he didn’t care either.

“You have to promise me you’ll watch Friends with me when you get home…” Eddie eyed at him with hopeful eyes and a overly-exaggerated pout, making Frank let out that comforting chuckle.

“Of course I will, bud.” That always made him convince himself to go. The fact that his loving father would be there when he got home. _Ew, now he sounds like a single 37 year-old who lives in his dad’s basement._

Frank drove and dropped Eddie off in front of a huge church, were the special ‘cancer survivors’ group was. Everytime they walked past it Eddie would get uncomfortable. Because—a, he’s gay and b, he had lung cancer. He tries not to remember. He treats his oxygen tank like a cellphone (“Everyone wants one!”).

Eddie tripped over his oxygen tank case trying to walk in. Smooth one, Kaspbrak. It yanked out his nose quickly, causing a sharp pain followed by his body longing to breathe. He stuffed the tubes back up his nose and put the holders behind his ears to make them stay there. Lots of older men and women immediately lunged to help him, but one young man got there first. The one that caught Eddie’s eye.

“Hey, cutie. You good?” Eddie looked up to see a taller male, bending over to help him. He had glasses that magnified his beautiful bright blue eyes, but his dark hair nearly covered his face. It took Eddie’s breath away. He nodded frantically, probably looking like an idiot. Before Eddie could humiliate himself more, the handsome stranger walked away. Eddie sighed and shook his head. He needed to snap back to reality. Boys who had lung problems and oxygen tanks didn’t get the Chandlers, the healthy, young Monicas get them. Dammit, now he wanted to watch Friends.

He spotted Bill after he had entered the basement of the church and _hey look! The handsome stranger. Next to my only friend in this hellhole. Let me just go fling myself off the nearest cliff._

Their teacher/role model/whatever-the-fuck-he-is guy began to interrupt Eddie’s internal breakdown (it’s not like he cared anyway). Talking about god and loving life and shit. Whatever makes the dying children feeling better. Fuck, he sounds heartless, but when you’ve experienced all this BS for a good while in your life you start to not care. Now it was time for Eddie’s least favorite part—introducing themselves. The leader dude (What’s his name? Eddie doesn’t know. Let’s call him Jeff for now), Jeff, points at the young boy in a wheelchair next to Eddie.

He introduces himself as Jack, or ‘Jackie’. Says something about his legs and thighs not being able to do their job as his thighs and legs, and then silences himself, looking up at Eddie as to say ‘ _you’re on your own_.’ Eddie takes a deep breath and looks up at everyone in the room. The stranger is staring at him. Suddenly, the confidence he gained shrinks down to his own height of 5’4, and he feels significantly smaller. But he’s still got his flair. “Eddie Kaspbrak, I have—well had mets in my lungs. They damaged my thyroid gland pretty bad, as you all can tell I need a little help consuming oxygen. And right now I have a large satellite colony in my lungs.” He gestured to his tank and sat down, feeling relieved when he notices the mysterious boy smile and volunteer to go next.

“Howdy folks! I’m Richard, but please call me Richie—I am obviously not an 80 year-old man.” A few chuckles rose around the room, which only urged the boy. “I had osteosarcoma a while ago, and then I started to form into robo-cop!” He pulled up his left pant leg to reveal a prosthetic leg. Eddie suddenly remembered how he awkwardly, yet smoothly, Richie limped away after watching Eddie fall over himself. Once he finished talking about himself and how he was there for Bill, Bill started.

Eddie already knew about Bill—he’s been struggling since 11, his little brother was the only thing getting him through, and how he still scored a hot girlfriend throughout the mits of this crazy experience. He’s known Bill since their hospital days. They were good friends, not as close as Richie and Bill. They seemed very close, talking while Jeff was, Bill laughing at his jokes. Every so often, Eddie caught Richie looking at him. It wasn’t a I-should-call-the-police-after-this stare, but more of a talk-to-me-later stare. Neither of them could look away, the feeling of butterflies mixed with empathy and desire was almost intoxicating. Hell, they’d only known each other for 45 minutes.

Jeff started to pray, a sign that the sufferings almost over, and he dismissed. Eddie bolted to the door, the stupid roller making a sound like ‘duh-dink’ every time he roll over a dip in the square tile. “Hey. E-Eddie! Wait u-up!” _God-fucking-dammit_. Eddie turned around to face Bill, Richie at his side. “I wanted to i-introduce you t-too..” Bill gave a knowing smirk. Eddie low-key wanted to strangle him.

Bill walked over to his girlfriend, whatever her name was, and left Richie and Eddie together. Richie eyed him up and down. “So, cutie. You gotta name?” Eddie rolled his eyes at that. “You’ve already heard it twice!”

“No. I want your full name.” Richie added, looking almost amused at Eddie’s backfire. “Edward Warren Kaspbrak. But I go by Eddie.”

Richie gained a shit-eating grin. “Eds. I like that.” Eddie glared at him. “Ed-die. My names Eddie. Not Eds. E-D-D-I-E.” He shot back at him once again. Eddie acted annoyed, but he wasn’t. Richie knew well enough. “So, Eddie-Spaghetti,” Eddie groaned, “you’re quite a feisty boy. Aren’t you?” He pulled out a cigarette. Eddie looked at Richie as if he had burned him.

“Are you kidding me?! You just ruined it..” Eddie shouted, gesturing to the death stick Richie held in his right hand. Richie smiled from the corners of his mouth. “What?” The smaller boy shook his head, unbelievably angry at the fact that Richie didn’t even know.

“You get over cancer! Just to let so more back into your life. Cigarettes, Richie! Knowing you lost a limb to a disease that people die from everyday, how the fuck can you do this and not feel guilty?” Eddie face was bright red. He knew he went a little far, but Richie’s smile just grew. “They can’t kill ya if ya don’t light ‘em.” He sputtered out, the cigarette still between his full lips. Eddie looked at him with a quiet ‘huh?’.

He took it out of his mouth. “It’s a metaphor, Eds. You put the killer in your mouth, but you don’t give it the power to kill you.” Eddie’s face went from angry red to sympathetic pink. “Oh.. um… I’m sorry. I guess I’m really sensitive about the whole.. ya know. Cancer.. thing?” Richie just nodded, eyes stayed on him. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

Richie’s eyes filled with an emotion Eddie couldn’t really understand. “Because you’re beautiful, spaghetti.” Eddie shook his head and tucked a brown curl behind his ear sheepishly. “Whaddya say we go watch a movie? Back at my place. I have a sudden urge for Natalie Portman. Have you seen _V for Vendetta?”_ Eddie shook his head no. “Oh Eds, you have to watch it.” Eddie smiled at him.

“You have to make a deal with me though.” Eddie added and Richie nodded. “You have to read my favorite book—An Imperial Affliction.” Eddie rarely talked about it, but that book got him through so much shit in his life. The narrator knew what Eddie thought everyday. We live to die, nothing we do in between really matters. We’re all just water vapor droplets that disappear once someone stops blowing air in the cold. Sounds dark and cheesy, but it’s very true. Everyone with or that once had cancer understands. Maybe Richie will.

“Jesus Christ. Sounds ancient.” Richie said, rolling his eyes. Just wait. Eddie heard tires screech up beside the pathway. “Give me a minute.” He said to Richie, walking over to his father's car. “Hey, daddy…” Frank looked at Eddie, instantly knowing something was up. “What’s going on Eddie?” Eddie sighed. “Can I please go over to Richie’s so we can watch a movie? Please.” He gestured over to the tall, raven haired boy, who waved in response. Frank eyes widened, immediately realizing the situation. “Sure, honey. Do you need a ride home.. or?”

“I’ve got him, Mr. Kaspbrak. No need to worry.” Richie gave him his attractive “good boy” smile. Frank nodded and winked at Eddie. “Have fun, boys!” He called as he drove away.

 

* * *

 

“Welcome to thy humble abode.” Richie exclaimed as he entered his house. Eddie dragged his crap behind him, taking a deep breath. The house was cool compare to the warmer weather of the summer. Eddie looked around, their house was nice. There were quotes and encouragements on the walls, a very Better Homes and Gardens Magazine aesthetic. “Mags! Went! We have a visitor.” He guided Eddie to a hallway near the kitchen, where his mother and father sat. “Meet, Eds. The cutest boy to exist on this planet.”

Eddie rolled his eyes but smiled. “Please, just call me Eddie. Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Tozier.” He said, stepping forward for an actual greeting. “Well, Eddie, sweetheart. It’s nice to meet you too darling. Please call me Maggie, Mrs. Tozier makes me feel old.” Eddie nodded and laughed with her. It was a short conversation before Richie told them they were going to watch a movie downstairs. Eddie politely excused them.

“You call your parents by their first names?” Eddie asked, almost intrigued. He always called his parents ‘Dad’ or ‘daddy’ and ‘Ma’ and ‘Mama’. “This coming from the boy I just watched call his dad, ‘daddy’.” Eddie blushed and began to make his way downstairs to Richie’s room. He looked around, “wow.”

“I know right. My dad built this room when I was 16 and just diagnosed. Cancer perk.” He smiled, falling back onto the couch. Eddie finally finished walking down the stairs. He sat next to Richie, cursing himself for not being able to walk down stairs with him and his stupid breathing problems. “Hey, sweets. You okay?” Richie asked, looking actually concerned. “Yeah. Just,” He huffed, “stairs. Ya know?” The raven haired boy nodded, seeming to understand. Eddie wondered if it was hard for him to do things like walk up stairs after his amputation.

The movie was okay, Eddie supposed. He began to figure that maybe Richie just used it to have a reason to stay with Eddie longer. Every so often he caught Richie paying more attention to him than the movie. He turned that thought down quickly. It didn’t really matter anyway. At least he thought. Once it was time to go, he regretted not talking to Richie.

“Hey, Eds. Before you go, let me give you this.” He handed him a book. “If I have to read your book with the boring-ass title. You have to read this.” He handed Eddie a colorful book. _“The Price of Dawn?”_ Eddie said, holding back a chuckle. “Yup! Listen, I know it sounds childish. I mean, it’s based off a video game. But it also tells a story of survival, oblivion and finding yourself.” Richie said, eyes widening as he explained the novel to Eddie. Only Richie could make a children's book seem mature. “Fine. But you have to read An Imperial Affliction!” Eddie said, handing him the copy he kept in his suitcase where his oxygen tanks dragged around. Richie’s eyes rolled.

After a while, Richie drove Eddie back his place (due to Richie missing a leg, it was not a smooth ride. But that’s another story for another time.) Frank was all over Eddie the moment he walked in, Richie could see from the window. Richie drove back to his own place, went to his room and laid down, opening Eddie’s book. The first thing he saw was a note written in the front cover. Eddie’s number, along with a written note.

_Call or text me whenever you feel like it! -Eddie_

 

* * *

 

Eddie and his father giggled at the joke they heard in Friends. It was the episode where Monica and Chandler sleep together for the first time, his favorite. He imagined waking up next to one of his best friends, not knowing it was fate. That’s the thing. Monica didn’t have to search for the man of her dreams. He was always right there in front of her, cracking jokes and wearing questionable fashion items. Sound familiar? That’s what Eddie’s trying not to think about. He turned maroon at the slightest thought of sleeping with Richie. _Jesus, Kaspbrak. You’re such a damn virgin._

“So… how’d that date go?” Frank asked, his voice barely above a whisper. If Eddie had water he’d be spitting it out right about now. “Dad!” Eddie buried his burning-red face into the couch cushion. Frank threw his hands up and started laughing at his son. “You’ve been checking and staring at your phone all day!” He said, Eddie scoffed in response. “You act like I’m waiting for him to call me back. I’m not that desperate, father.”

Frank raised an eyebrow. “You used the ‘daddy’ card so you could hang out with him. I’ve only seen you do it to get toys when you were 10… Not to mention, he’s pretty handsome. In my eyes, I can’t begin to imagine how hot he is to you.” Eddie groaned once more, his dad would be the end to him. But, at the end of the day, he was right. Eddie made sure his phone was on at all times. He checked at least 3 times every minute. It wasn’t until 5:43, Tuesday evening, he finally got a response.

 **Unknown number:** _please tell me my copy of imperial affliction is missing the last 10 pages_.

 **Unknown number:** _this is hell. fuck you for making me read this._

Eddie’s face grew a smile as he typed back.

 **Eddie** : _Nope! That’s the book for you!_

 **Richie** : _good lord. i hate this. but i also love it. whats wrong with me eds??_

 **Eddie** : _Fucks with your emotions, doesn’t it?_

 **Richie** : _noooooo_

The pair had a iMessage conversation for about 30 minutes before Richie decided to call Eddie. Eddie frantically went outside for “privacy”, as his dad called it. Eddie took a deep breath and answered his phone. “Welcome to the sweet torture of reading An Imperial Affliction.” Eddie told him, hearing a loud yell through the line. Thinking the worst, Eddie quickly added, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. But... uhm,” another yell, “Bill isn’t doing so hot right now. How fast can you get here?”

“20 minutes, at most. Should I bring anything?” Eddie was already grabbing his things and getting out the door. He quickly mouthed ‘Richie’s’ to his dad and ran out door. “No, just yourself. Okay, bye.” The loudmouth boy hung up quickly.

Eddie’s estimation was correct, it only took him 17 minutes to drive to Richie’s house. When he walked in, Maggie and Wentworth weren’t home. Richie probably asked them to leave, considering the current situation or Bill yelling in anger at something Eddie didn’t know. He walked down the stairs to Richie’s room in the basement and found Richie watching Bill from afar as Bill hid in his hoodie and played video games while fat tears crawled down his face. The moment the taller boys eyes landed on Eddie he jumped up to help Eddie carry his luggage to the couch. Before Eddie opened his mouth to ask, Richie was already explaining the situation.

“Bill and his girlfriend ended their… day in the sun. Then Bill had an episode. I figured you could give him better advice considering I don’t have relationships often and you must have gone on dates because you’re too cute to ignore.” Only Richie Tozier could turn a situation like this flirtatious. Eddie scoffed and walk over to Bill. “Hey, hun. Are you okay?” Bill shook his head. “...Do you wanna talk about it?” Bill looked over at Eddie. “I j-just wanna c-cry and play video games..” Richie gestured as if to say, ‘Make him talk.’

“Listen Bill.. sometimes people don’t understand the promises they make until after they make them.” Eddie rubbed his hand softly. “...you’re gonna be okay, sweetie. Okay?” Bill mumbled a response and nodded. “I still have her necklace on.”

Richie did a double take. “Dude, take that off!” Bill ripped it off his neck angrily. He got up and kicked the pillar near the stairs. “Yeah!” Richie _encouraged_ him to keep lashing out in anger. “So… Spaghetti.. that book. It was great,” Bill cried out and threw a pillow, “but that ending fucking sucks. I feel like writers don’t have the rights to pull shit like that.” Bill calmed down and laid down on the couch.

“I’m happy you’re thinking like that. I like it because it’s truthful. I mean—you die in the middle of life, just like Anne dies in the middle of a sentence.” Eddie said, arguing back quickly. Richie just nodded and pulled out a cigarette, probably to practice his metaphor. “I just wish I knew what happened afterwards. Did Anne’s mom marry the Dutch Tulip Man?” Eddie smiled and nodded. “And what happened to Syphaphis the Hamster!”

“Yes! Exactly!” Eddie felt giddy—to be relating to someone with similar disabilities to his favorite book ever. _Forget sex, this is the real shit._ They turned when they heard Bill sigh, finally sounding content. “Glad to see you feeling better, Bill.” Eddie said, sweetly.

“You see that’s the thing about pain—it demands to be felt.” Richie was quoting the book. Richie was quoting Eddie’s favorite book. Suddenly, Richie seemed 10 times hotter and Eddie was 10 times more insecure. They smiled and kept their eyes on one another for quite some time.

“Can you t-two stop eye f-f-fucking each and p-pay attention to th-the s-single soon-t-to-be-blind boy who’s heart i-is broken?”


End file.
